दिल वालों की सोहबत

A Keyrun Rao original

बड़े अच्छे लोग होते हैं दिल वाले
उन के पास सब अच्छा नहीं होता
 बुराइयों से भरी खुदा की दुनिया में
दिल वालों से अच्छा कोई नहीं होता

बड़ी बुरी है दिल वालों की सोहबत
बच के ही रहना इन जैसों से तुम
दिमाग़ वाले बड़े भले हैं दुनिया में
मेरी ये एक छोटी बात मान लो तुम

सारे रिश्तों का पूरा हिसाब रखना
किसी से कभी कोई सच मत कहना
अपनी दौलत से बातें करना खूब
बस दिल वालों की सोहबत से बचना

बड़ी बुरी है दिल वालों की सोहबत
दर्द इतना सारा है, खुशी ज़रा सी
खुशी के लम्हे तो बहुत कम ही हैं
और पाओगे दुनिया भर की उदासी

अपने दिल से मत सोचना कभी भी
उसके लिए तो दिमाग़ काम आता है
तुम सब के बस की बात नहीं है ये
सोच के भी रूह को पसीना आता है

तुम खेलो सारे खेल बस दिमाग़ वालों से

दिल वालों को रहने दो उनके हाल पे 

शायद कोई सज़ा काट रहे हैं वो अपनी 

कोई जवाब ही नहीं उनके किसी सवाल पे 

बड़ी बुरी है दिल वालों की सोहबत

इनसे तो बच के रहना ही आसान है 

बहुत होशियार बन गये हो तुम अब

तुम्हारे अंदर भी अब एक शैतान है

59th Filmfare Awards: A night to remember

Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho toh saari kaynat tumhe usse milaane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai’

- Om Prakash Makhija

I couldn't believe my ears when Rani told me that she will get me a pass to attend the 59th Filmfare Awards. She said it very casually, as if it didn't mean much. For me, it meant as if I am going to be at the shoot of Sholay. Or perhaps, being present while 'Aane wala pal' is being recorded. Rani has seen enough and more of such events to care much. For me it was a first. My heart was beating in my eyelid. I couldn't sleep a wink for a week or so. I had stopped eating. I was imagining what I would do there, what I would wear, will I make it past the security or not and so on…

Way back in 2009, when I was to attend the premier of Sankat City, my friend Kartik Krishnan had told me, "Nobody gives a f about what you wear, nobody gives a f about who you are." Though I was armed with that wisdom, I was worrying about I am going to wear that evening. On a normal day I don't give a f about what I am wearing because I know that nobody gives a f about me. Okay, Rani does chide me at times, for the torn jeans and crumpled tee that I step out wearing. Here I was looking at my princely collection of four white shirts and trying to decide upon one.

The choice was simple, the one that took the least effort to iron. Once that decision was made, I was worrying about my look. I told Rani, "I want to look like a badass gangster with a heart of gold." Don't ask me what that means. I am still trying to make sense of what I had said. For the first time in my life I requested Rani to apply makeup on my face. I was doing everything that I never do till I am too drunk.  Hair, makeup and all the razzmatazz taken care of. I remember telling Rani, I know all this is stupid and vain, but I am born for this shit. She nodded in agreement.

 So I step out of my home all set to blow air kisses and sign autographs & the sole of my shoe pulls a fast one on me. I never wear that shoe, but for a few rare occasions and on that fateful evening it decided to ditch me. To show me that I am an idiot. To put me back into place. To make me taste humble pie. I wanted to die. Then I decided it would be simpler to just change the damn shoe. It struck me that if I changed the shoe, I will have to change the damn trouser too. A fine gentleman and a great actor-singer, Ayushmann Khurrana was waiting for me, as I was supposed to tag along with him.

Time was running out and some quick decisions had to be made. The shoe, the trouser, the jacket and everything had to be re-coordinated. It took me 3 minutes to ruin everything that Rani had done to style me. In my new avatar I was now looking like a broke journalist-turned-drug peddler-turned-wannabe neta-turned-disaster gangster. You can see the pic if you need evidence. (I am the white shirt guy, the suit wala bloke is Sujoy Ghosh, who made Jhankaar Beats.) Post that disaster management, I hop into Ayushmann's car a little away from the venue. The first thing he tells me is, "Bro, I think it's a 'formals only' event." I felt like dying again, but I tell him, "dekhte hain yaar."

The moment we reach the venue and step out of the car, we hear mad cheering & hooting. It strikes me that the adulation and love was for Ayushmann & not me. I eat humble pie with both my hands again. What happened next just froze me. I was following Ayushmann & Rani into the venue & sweet mother of Rajinikath, I landed up being seated in the 4th row closest to the stage. Imagine a rookie like me, who still has no IMDB page or anything, lands there. I went numb. All kinds of stars, superstars and the ilk were all around me. My brain didn't explode and I quickly realised that one needs to have a brain for it to explode. Jaan bachi to laakhon paaye.

A little less than an hour into the ceremony I began to get bored. I was tired of clapping. I wanted to go out and breathe easy. I felt like it was cheating. A guy like me can't be rubbing his hands gleefully sitting in the same row as Anupam Kher, Shabana Azmi and so many more. So I walked out of the audi to a better place. You guessed it, the bar counter at the venue. I realised the only people watching the ceremony were either those who were waiting to win an award or those who wanted to clap for the person who they wanted to win for whatever reason. The rest of the junta was at the bar counter.

Had a great time sipping fokat ka expensive whiskey with interesting people from the industry. The chakhna wasn't that great, but mere baap ka kya gaya? Had wonderful conversations, behaved like a fanboy, swapped cigarettes with Swanand Kirkire, spilled whiskey on somebody's expensive D&G suit, soaked in the feeling of being at the sanctum sanctorum of YRF Studios and behaved as if I owned the place. Super fun & I only have Rani to thank from the bottom of my heart & the top of my Patiala peg. Hopefully me & Rani will attend the 60th Filmfare Awards because our film will be nominated too!

That's something I have been 'maanging' from the 'kaaynat'. Sunn raha hai na tu? 

Amen.

ज़िंदगी सब पे क्यूं नहीं आती...

Inspired by a 'Triveni' written by Gulzar Saab dedicated to those who just decide to commit suicide… There's more to life than just a relationship, a mishap or even the biggest tragedy. Live on…

मेरा झूठ जब पकड़ा गया था  

तब मज़ाक में कहा था तुझे 

इतनी सी बात पर मर जाओ

तुमने हंस कर टाल दिया मुझे    

मुझे लगा बात अब टल गयी है 

भूल गया था तेरी आँखों का दर्द 

सोचा के बला टल गयी एक और

क्या एक जैसे ही होते हैं सब मर्द 

छोटी सी ही बात थी मेरे लिये तो 

तुम ने उसे क्यों इतना बड़ा किया

मेरी क्या गलती है ये तुम बताओ

कैसे तुमने इतना बड़ा फैसला लिया 

मर जाने को तो ऐसे ही कहा था बस

तेरे बिना अब बता तो कैसे जियूंगा मैं

तेरी सांसों में खुद को पाया है मैने 

तेरे बिना अधूरे से भी बहुत कम हूँ मैं  

मैं भी मर ही जाता हूँ तेरे बिना आज 

दे कर तो देखती मुझे आखरी आवाज़ 

माफी मांग लेता तुझसे गिड़गिड़ाते हुए 

बता देता तुझे मैं अपना हर एक राज़ 

साली ज़िंदगी सब पे क्यूं नहीं आती

मैने तो बस ज़िंदगी मांगी थी तेरी थोड़ी 

फिर जाने ऐसा क्या गुनाह हुआ मुझसे 

एक पल मे क्यों मेरी ये बांह छोड़ी…

मिलोगी फिर तब बताना मुझको ये 

क्यों इतना आसान था ऐसे मर जाना 

क्यों भूल गयी इतनी आसानी से ये

मुझसा था तेरा एक पागल दीवाना  

Musalmaan hai woh shaayad...

A Keyrun Rao original…

Ammi ne khaana banaya tha mere liye
Tab toh maine yeh kuchh socha na tha
Pehli baar jab andaa khaaya tha maine
Mujhe kuchh bhi maaloom hi na tha…

Ammi ke pakaaye khaane ki baat kya hai?
Woh baat toh yaar kuchh aur hi hai na…
Sardiyon ke dhoop ke jaisi hai shaayad;
Ammi ke khaane ka swaad kuchh aur hai na!

Ammi ne machhli banaayi thi Amjad ke liye
Us din mujhe kuchh ajeeb sa lag raha tha…
Maa toh meri thi woh utni hi, jitni uski thi,
Phir jaane kyon mujhko ajeeb lag raha tha?

Musalmaan hai toh kya… woh meri maa nahin
Maans-machhli khaati hai woh toh kya hua
Ab tum bolo kay ab woh insaan bhi nahin
Uski dua se barkat hai, wo shaitan to nahin…

Aaj Ammi ki yaad jaane kyon aa rahi hai...
Aaj ka mera din itna bhi buraa toh nahin
Ammi meri peeth thap-thapaa de phir se
Ek shayari main likh doon yoon hi kabhi

Kehte hain Musalman hi hogi woh shaayad...
Uski daal mein tadka aaj bhi waisa hi lagta hai.
Amjad se bhi pyaara hoon main us maa ko…
Uske sajde mein mera sar waise hi jhukhta hai!

Thank you, 2013!

What a spectacular year 2013 has been. Not that I made my first 100cr film, but still, have never felt in such a happier space before. Not that I live inside a cake, but you get the drift, na? All my passwords contain the four letters - R, A, N & I. My days begin with a goofy smile & end with aching finger tips. I am writing films & beginning to get paid (albeit thoda) to do so too! Who knew… Hopefully you'll read about my films in gossip mags sometime next year. (Many duas needed) 

Have an answer to the dreaded question, "arey, tum shaadi kab kar rahey ho?." I used to avoid people who used to ask me such questions. I used to not take such people's calls. I used to feel depressed. Not any more. This question excites me, makes me smile & makes me write even more. As a drunk Aamir Khan said in Mangal Pandey - The Rising, "Ab life mein settle ho jaana maangta." 

I don't throw stones at cats anymore. One of my friends told me, "yaar tu badal gaya hai, have never seen you like this." I don't listen to sad songs anymore. I have stopped watching 'Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham' altogether. I do, sometimes, listen to the 'Bole chudiyaan' song & do a little gig to it when not sober. I still watch Baghban sometimes & cry like a sissy girl. Somethings don't change. But hey, I haven't renewed my membership of the 'Dukhi Dil Association'.

I am broke most of the time, but I smile proudly as if I have just stepped out of my Audi Q7. I dream of going to Baku (Azerbaijan) & owning The Maserati Quattroporte GTS. I know it is silly, but I know it will happen. Because Rani tells me so. She is such a wonderful person, wonder why she sauntered into my life so late. Better late than never. Can't thank her enough. She makes the best Maggi in the world. The bread-butter-jam that she makes should be made the national breakfast, lunch & dinner.

HAHAHA. Just kidding. She also knows how to boil eggs. I taught her. HAHAHA.

Before she kills me, she makes the BESTESTASTIESTAWESOMEST Peshawari Dal in the world. I can kill for that. I can kick a puppy for that. 

Oh wait, I have stopped doing such nasty things. Sorry, Shaktiman.

Have met some really wonderful people this year… People who I will always love, care for and borrow money from (irrespective of me needing the money or not). Found new confidence in the fact that I can write an entire feature film in less than ten days, I kid you not. I barely thought of myself as a writer; but Rani thinks I write really well. So I write for her. I write for her belief that I can write. Most of my life I only thought the only thing I could do best was - drunk dance to 'Sapne mein milti hai'.

I have stopped 'un-friending' and 'report-spamming' people who don't like the films I love. I have learned to look past them. I just pretend they don't exist. I hope they catch cold. I hope a waiter spits into their soup or something. I know it is not a very good thing to do, par kya bachche ki jaan logy kya? Ek saal mein itna ich milenga. Hope this changes next year.

My first film to hopefully (Again, many duas needed) release stars Sholay, Jhankaar Beats, Satya & Old Monk. That makes me feel very happy. I always wanted my first film to star SRK, but I can live without that. Wonder what kind of reviews my film will get. Hope you kind people in Ramgarh will feel proud and cheer and clap when you see my name on the big screen. Hope Taran Adarsh gives it 3.5 stars. Actually I don't care about Taran and his slimy usool and adarsh.

A 3 star review from Rajeev Masand & Anupama Chopra would make me proud though.

Wonder if you all will  'un-friend' and 'report-spam' me if you don't like my film. Will you give me another chance to prove myself? I don't know about all of you, but Rani will. She loves me, na. Poor girl. HAHAHA.

Here's wishing you all a Merry Christmas & a very many Happy New Year! Pray for me, shower me with duas, love and please lend me money when I ask you. HAHAHA.  I am such a cheapskate, na. Hope 2014 changes that about me. I also want to be all rich & classy like all of you. Amen.

Raaste bahut achchey hain...

A Keyrun Rao original…

Koi dariya mein kyon doobega
Ke jab saahil hi itna pyaara ho
Koi poori azaan kyon suneyga
Ke jab woh hi mera kinaara ho

Raaste bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah
Andhere hain mere pairon mein
Yeh kaisi chuni hai maine yeh raah

Kuchh ajnabi aaj mere yaar ho gaye
Thodey se tanha yeh bazaar ho gaye
Anjaani si pyaas ho chali hai toh kya
Lagta hai jaisey hum aaj tere ho gaye

Raaste toh bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah

Teri mohabbat ko kya naam doon main

Phir sey hua hoon main aaj gumraah

Teri tarah kho jaata hoon main bhi

Kya main karoon kisi ko ab fariyaad

Lambi raatein reh gayi hain ab toh
Tera pyaar hai bas mujhe kyon yaad

Raaste toh bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah
Lamha toota hua ho mera toh kya
Mujhko toh chalni hai teri hi ek raah

Ek saans le, mujh mein aaj tu kho ja
Reh ja mujh mein, kahin ab bas ja
Banjaara hoon main tere qafiley ka
Aaj toh thodi der bas tu hi thehar ja

Raaste toh bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah

Bina tere jee raha hoon main tanhaa

Dikha de ab tu hi mujhe ek nayi raah

(Dedicated to Imtiaz Ali's latest film… )

 

Love you so much that it hurts...

I have no idea or reason to be writing this little piece. The headline just sounded cool so I wrote it. Actually it means a lot to me, hence I wrote it. How much can you love me? You don't even love me. You perhaps think that you do. Most of you pretend that you love me. I don't hold that against you. I love you too. Hahahaha. The word love has become a joke. Or maybe not.

Many of you here on Facebook are married, many of you with kids. One candid question: Do you know what love is? Do you feel love when your wife cooks a meal that is your favourite? Do you feel when a 100-odd people hit the like button on your baby's pictures? When do you feel love? Can you feel it? Can you love your friends as much as the girl in your life? Or vice versa?

I feel love when I watch a film directed by my favourite filmmaker. I feel love when I see a happy child dancing on the street. I feel love when I see Rani happy seeing me eat the stuff she cooked for me. I feel love when I meet random strangers who walk up to me & tell me that they love the shit I write. I feel love when I have Old Monk. I also feel love when I hear a song composed by ARR. It has been inexplicable so far... What is love? I have always wondered.

Rani showed me what love is. When she shot a documentary film about the people who are underprivileged. Rani made me realise that sometimes being underprivileged is a privilege. How can you know happiness when you don't know what is sadness? I love Rani. But that is not even the point. If you have read this far, I assume you have some time to kill. Hahaha!

As Sunrinder Sahni coyly said in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, "Is se zyaada pyaar ki na mujhe aadat hai, na zaroorat hai." What do you think about love. I last felt love when my parents brought me home-made besan ke laddoo. I also felt love when Rani made me Peshawari dal and chawal. This afternoon I had an awesome meal with Dennis, Manoshi and her family. I felt love.

I wonder how people realise when they are in love. Do they even know how much they love each other. Does Dennis love Manoshi more than she loves him? Or is it the vice versa. Why do I love to use 'vice versa'. Why do I love Rani? Why does Vaibhav love Preeti? Why does Preeti love Vaibhav? Why do I love Rani, Vaibhav, Preeti, Manoshi and Dennis? Do I even know them enough to love them? Do they love me?

Am I drunk? Why do I love Old Monk? Why do I love cinema so much? Will cinema love me back too? I know Rani does love me for sure. How much do I love Rani? Is my love enough for her? Will I love her more in the years that follow? How much love is too much? Vaibhav told me that I give him 'coughter' (laugh + cough). Is that even a thing? Are we making up things as we grow?

Dennis & Manoshi have a lovely daughter and I think she madly loves Rani. Their daughter doesn't seem to really love me. Will that make me love her less. I love that little girl. She is a daughter that I would love to have someday. Will I have a daughter? Will i have a son? My mother only wanted to have a daughter. She ended up giving birth to two sons. Despite that, she loves me and my brother, like only she can.

It has been an amazing day, today. I finally told Rani that I loved the documentary film that she made. Rani is really awesome, she has made me Peshawari dal that I would kill for. I would kill for Rani. Will she kill for me? Will Dennis kill for Manoshi? Will Vaibhav kill for Preeti? What does love mean? Will love make you kill? Who will you kill for? I will perhaps kill Gautham V. Menon for making VTV.

Too many questions. Very few answers. Just a realisation that I love Rani. I think she is awesome. I love combing her hair. Is that stupid? I felt love while combing her hair. Who knows love the best? I think I do. Do you know what love is? I felt love when Satya wishes a happy birthday to Vidya. I felt love when I got compliments for my Raanjhanaa review. Is that love? 

WHAT IS LOVE? DO YOU KNOW? I THINK I DO. SHARE YOUR STORY WITH ME.

Jo tujhe jaanta na ho, us se tera naam poochhna, yeh mujhe kya ho gaya?

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Yaad hai peepal ke jiske ghane saaye they, hum ne gilehri ke jhoothe mattar khaaye they...