Monday, February 15, 2010

Khan: The Alpha Male

In modern human societies, inhabited by people like Rahul Mahajan & Bobby Darling, an alpha male can mean very different things to different people. Some use the term to mean the guy who seems most at ease with women and can essentially marry or date any woman of his choice. Some use the term for those who don't give a rabbit's derriere about shaving & other such sissy pursuits [what's the point, the nails & the beard grow right back!]

So where did Khan figure out in this train of thought? Watching a film many times over helps in gaining perspective & that's what happened to me after multiple viewings of My Name is Khan (MNIK). For obvious reasons, I won't even try & say why MNIK worked for me or its merits or demerits. Enough has been said already, so I refrain. But what caught my interest is the character traits of the main protagonist Rizwan Khan.

Though my brother is just 2 months away from adding the prefix 'Dr.' to his name, I get baffled & choked by medical terms, names of diseases, medicines & doctors in general. I don't think there is any illness which can't be cured by a potent dose of aged single malt. My ignorance of the Asperger's Syndrome or Autism hence please be pardoned.

So Khan. Why do I think he is the Alpha Male? I wrote this as a tribute to real men, the kind of men who perpetuate our species, don't know what conditioner is used for, and don't apologize for not wearing makeup. Without further ado:

First things first, he is totally allergic to bullshit, the types where you have to be nice to people, even if you don't like them, which includes your colleagues, neighbours & just about everyone else. Where you have to humbly make small talk, instead of lounging around, sipping a beer & watching TV or playing a video game. When he doesn't like the chicken, he ensures that his displeasure doesn't go unnoticed.

Next, he knows his shit. He is good with his tools. He knows a nut from a bolt & doesn't mind getting his hands dirty & what the hell is a manicure anyways? Plus he doesn't mind leafing through a book 'Intercourse for Dummies' so that he gets the act right. Only a man with balls, each the size of Jupiter would do that, with his lady love right by the side. Salut!

He doesn't like people wrongly pronouncing his name & makes sure that they get it right before he fishes out that sleek pistol & puts it to good use. Who the hell likes their name mispronounced? Okay the weird way I spell my name never helped my cause, but is it that hard? Key Run? Damn.

Add to this the simple fact that he ensures that he gets enough space. When he WANTS The Action, he gets IT, pronto! What's the point singing songs & writing poetry that loosely translate as "Me Tarzan, you Jane, we fcuk"? Mr. Prasoon Joshi, you there?

And yes, he is a fair man. He doesn't like people walking over him, shaking hands & then stabbing in the back. He works hard & earns his $$$. Honesty never killed anyone & he knew it good. He is a man of his word. Even if it means 'Mundu' he will go 'no holds barred' & live up to it.

He was detached from the emotional atyachaar. People die, shit happens & life goes on. Just another day in the life of Rizwan Khan. When it's dinner time, you got to eat. Fair enough?

I think more & more people should have this Asperger's Syndrome & the world will be a better place to live in. No bigots, no traitors, just clean men of honor who go around doing their jobs with integrity & without bitching & scheming. How's that for a better planet?

P.S.: Not that I completely subscribe to these attributes of real men, but life would be way less complicated. Anyways, let me cancel my appointment with the dentist & get back to writing the unfinished poetry. Ho gaya kalyan :p