Sunday, December 1, 2013

Love you so much that it hurts...

I have no idea or reason to be writing this little piece. The headline just sounded cool so I wrote it. Actually it means a lot to me, hence I wrote it. How much can you love me? You don't even love me. You perhaps think that you do. Most of you pretend that you love me. I don't hold that against you. I love you too. Hahahaha. The word love has become a joke. Or maybe not.

Many of you here on Facebook are married, many of you with kids. One candid question: Do you know what love is? Do you feel love when your wife cooks a meal that is your favourite? Do you feel when a 100-odd people hit the like button on your baby's pictures? When do you feel love? Can you feel it? Can you love your friends as much as the girl in your life? Or vice versa?

I feel love when I watch a film directed by my favourite filmmaker. I feel love when I see a happy child dancing on the street. I feel love when I see Rani happy seeing me eat the stuff she cooked for me. I feel love when I meet random strangers who walk up to me & tell me that they love the shit I write. I feel love when I have Old Monk. I also feel love when I hear a song composed by ARR. It has been inexplicable so far... What is love? I have always wondered.

Rani showed me what love is. When she shot a documentary film about the people who are underprivileged. Rani made me realise that sometimes being underprivileged is a privilege. How can you know happiness when you don't know what is sadness? I love Rani. But that is not even the point. If you have read this far, I assume you have some time to kill. Hahaha!

As Sunrinder Sahni coyly said in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, "Is se zyaada pyaar ki na mujhe aadat hai, na zaroorat hai." What do you think about love. I last felt love when my parents brought me home-made besan ke laddoo. I also felt love when Rani made me Peshawari dal and chawal. This afternoon I had an awesome meal with Dennis, Manoshi and her family. I felt love.

I wonder how people realise when they are in love. Do they even know how much they love each other. Does Dennis love Manoshi more than she loves him? Or is it the vice versa. Why do I love to use 'vice versa'. Why do I love Rani? Why does Vaibhav love Preeti? Why does Preeti love Vaibhav? Why do I love Rani, Vaibhav, Preeti, Manoshi and Dennis? Do I even know them enough to love them? Do they love me?

Am I drunk? Why do I love Old Monk? Why do I love cinema so much? Will cinema love me back too? I know Rani does love me for sure. How much do I love Rani? Is my love enough for her? Will I love her more in the years that follow? How much love is too much? Vaibhav told me that I give him 'coughter' (laugh + cough). Is that even a thing? Are we making up things as we grow?

Dennis & Manoshi have a lovely daughter and I think she madly loves Rani. Their daughter doesn't seem to really love me. Will that make me love her less. I love that little girl. She is a daughter that I would love to have someday. Will I have a daughter? Will i have a son? My mother only wanted to have a daughter. She ended up giving birth to two sons. Despite that, she loves me and my brother, like only she can.

It has been an amazing day, today. I finally told Rani that I loved the documentary film that she made. Rani is really awesome, she has made me Peshawari dal that I would kill for. I would kill for Rani. Will she kill for me? Will Dennis kill for Manoshi? Will Vaibhav kill for Preeti? What does love mean? Will love make you kill? Who will you kill for? I will perhaps kill Gautham V. Menon for making VTV.

Too many questions. Very few answers. Just a realisation that I love Rani. I think she is awesome. I love combing her hair. Is that stupid? I felt love while combing her hair. Who knows love the best? I think I do. Do you know what love is? I felt love when Satya wishes a happy birthday to Vidya. I felt love when I got compliments for my Raanjhanaa review. Is that love? 


Jo tujhe jaanta na ho, us se tera naam poochhna, yeh mujhe kya ho gaya?


Yaad hai peepal ke jiske ghane saaye they, hum ne gilehri ke jhoothe mattar khaaye they...


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