Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Thank you, 2013!

What a spectacular year 2013 has been. Not that I made my first 100cr film, but still, have never felt in such a happier space before. Not that I live inside a cake, but you get the drift, na? All my passwords contain the four letters - R, A, N & I. My days begin with a goofy smile & end with aching finger tips. I am writing films & beginning to get paid (albeit thoda) to do so too! Who knew… Hopefully you'll read about my films in gossip mags sometime next year. (Many duas needed) 

Have an answer to the dreaded question, "arey, tum shaadi kab kar rahey ho?." I used to avoid people who used to ask me such questions. I used to not take such people's calls. I used to feel depressed. Not any more. This question excites me, makes me smile & makes me write even more. As a drunk Aamir Khan said in Mangal Pandey - The Rising, "Ab life mein settle ho jaana maangta." 

I don't throw stones at cats anymore. One of my friends told me, "yaar tu badal gaya hai, have never seen you like this." I don't listen to sad songs anymore. I have stopped watching 'Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham' altogether. I do, sometimes, listen to the 'Bole chudiyaan' song & do a little gig to it when not sober. I still watch Baghban sometimes & cry like a sissy girl. Somethings don't change. But hey, I haven't renewed my membership of the 'Dukhi Dil Association'.

I am broke most of the time, but I smile proudly as if I have just stepped out of my Audi Q7. I dream of going to Baku (Azerbaijan) & owning The Maserati Quattroporte GTS. I know it is silly, but I know it will happen. Because Rani tells me so. She is such a wonderful person, wonder why she sauntered into my life so late. Better late than never. Can't thank her enough. She makes the best Maggi in the world. The bread-butter-jam that she makes should be made the national breakfast, lunch & dinner.

HAHAHA. Just kidding. She also knows how to boil eggs. I taught her. HAHAHA.

Before she kills me, she makes the BESTESTASTIESTAWESOMEST Peshawari Dal in the world. I can kill for that. I can kick a puppy for that. 

Oh wait, I have stopped doing such nasty things. Sorry, Shaktiman.

Have met some really wonderful people this year… People who I will always love, care for and borrow money from (irrespective of me needing the money or not). Found new confidence in the fact that I can write an entire feature film in less than ten days, I kid you not. I barely thought of myself as a writer; but Rani thinks I write really well. So I write for her. I write for her belief that I can write. Most of my life I only thought the only thing I could do best was - drunk dance to 'Sapne mein milti hai'.

I have stopped 'un-friending' and 'report-spamming' people who don't like the films I love. I have learned to look past them. I just pretend they don't exist. I hope they catch cold. I hope a waiter spits into their soup or something. I know it is not a very good thing to do, par kya bachche ki jaan logy kya? Ek saal mein itna ich milenga. Hope this changes next year.

My first film to hopefully (Again, many duas needed) release stars Sholay, Jhankaar Beats, Satya & Old Monk. That makes me feel very happy. I always wanted my first film to star SRK, but I can live without that. Wonder what kind of reviews my film will get. Hope you kind people in Ramgarh will feel proud and cheer and clap when you see my name on the big screen. Hope Taran Adarsh gives it 3.5 stars. Actually I don't care about Taran and his slimy usool and adarsh.

A 3 star review from Rajeev Masand & Anupama Chopra would make me proud though.

Wonder if you all will  'un-friend' and 'report-spam' me if you don't like my film. Will you give me another chance to prove myself? I don't know about all of you, but Rani will. She loves me, na. Poor girl. HAHAHA.

Here's wishing you all a Merry Christmas & a very many Happy New Year! Pray for me, shower me with duas, love and please lend me money when I ask you. HAHAHA.  I am such a cheapskate, na. Hope 2014 changes that about me. I also want to be all rich & classy like all of you. Amen.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Raaste bahut achchey hain...

A Keyrun Rao original…

Koi dariya mein kyon doobega
Ke jab saahil hi itna pyaara ho
Koi poori azaan kyon suneyga
Ke jab woh hi mera kinaara ho

Raaste bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah
Andhere hain mere pairon mein
Yeh kaisi chuni hai maine yeh raah

Kuchh ajnabi aaj mere yaar ho gaye
Thodey se tanha yeh bazaar ho gaye
Anjaani si pyaas ho chali hai toh kya
Lagta hai jaisey hum aaj tere ho gaye

Raaste toh bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah
Teri mohabbat ko kya naam doon main
Phir sey hua hoon main aaj gumraah

Teri tarah kho jaata hoon main bhi
Kya main karoon kisi ko ab fariyaad
Lambi raatein reh gayi hain ab toh
Tera pyaar hai bas mujhe kyon yaad

Raaste toh bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah
Lamha toota hua ho mera toh kya
Mujhko toh chalni hai teri hi ek raah

Ek saans le, mujh mein aaj tu kho ja
Reh ja mujh mein, kahin ab bas ja
Banjaara hoon main tere qafiley ka
Aaj toh thodi der bas tu hi thehar ja

Raaste toh bahut achchey hain mere
Manzil ki jaane kisey hai parwaah
Bina tere jee raha hoon main tanhaa
Dikha de ab tu hi mujhe ek nayi raah

(Dedicated to Imtiaz Ali's latest film… )


Sunday, December 1, 2013

Love you so much that it hurts...

I have no idea or reason to be writing this little piece. The headline just sounded cool so I wrote it. Actually it means a lot to me, hence I wrote it. How much can you love me? You don't even love me. You perhaps think that you do. Most of you pretend that you love me. I don't hold that against you. I love you too. Hahahaha. The word love has become a joke. Or maybe not.

Many of you here on Facebook are married, many of you with kids. One candid question: Do you know what love is? Do you feel love when your wife cooks a meal that is your favourite? Do you feel when a 100-odd people hit the like button on your baby's pictures? When do you feel love? Can you feel it? Can you love your friends as much as the girl in your life? Or vice versa?

I feel love when I watch a film directed by my favourite filmmaker. I feel love when I see a happy child dancing on the street. I feel love when I see Rani happy seeing me eat the stuff she cooked for me. I feel love when I meet random strangers who walk up to me & tell me that they love the shit I write. I feel love when I have Old Monk. I also feel love when I hear a song composed by ARR. It has been inexplicable so far... What is love? I have always wondered.

Rani showed me what love is. When she shot a documentary film about the people who are underprivileged. Rani made me realise that sometimes being underprivileged is a privilege. How can you know happiness when you don't know what is sadness? I love Rani. But that is not even the point. If you have read this far, I assume you have some time to kill. Hahaha!

As Sunrinder Sahni coyly said in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, "Is se zyaada pyaar ki na mujhe aadat hai, na zaroorat hai." What do you think about love. I last felt love when my parents brought me home-made besan ke laddoo. I also felt love when Rani made me Peshawari dal and chawal. This afternoon I had an awesome meal with Dennis, Manoshi and her family. I felt love.

I wonder how people realise when they are in love. Do they even know how much they love each other. Does Dennis love Manoshi more than she loves him? Or is it the vice versa. Why do I love to use 'vice versa'. Why do I love Rani? Why does Vaibhav love Preeti? Why does Preeti love Vaibhav? Why do I love Rani, Vaibhav, Preeti, Manoshi and Dennis? Do I even know them enough to love them? Do they love me?

Am I drunk? Why do I love Old Monk? Why do I love cinema so much? Will cinema love me back too? I know Rani does love me for sure. How much do I love Rani? Is my love enough for her? Will I love her more in the years that follow? How much love is too much? Vaibhav told me that I give him 'coughter' (laugh + cough). Is that even a thing? Are we making up things as we grow?

Dennis & Manoshi have a lovely daughter and I think she madly loves Rani. Their daughter doesn't seem to really love me. Will that make me love her less. I love that little girl. She is a daughter that I would love to have someday. Will I have a daughter? Will i have a son? My mother only wanted to have a daughter. She ended up giving birth to two sons. Despite that, she loves me and my brother, like only she can.

It has been an amazing day, today. I finally told Rani that I loved the documentary film that she made. Rani is really awesome, she has made me Peshawari dal that I would kill for. I would kill for Rani. Will she kill for me? Will Dennis kill for Manoshi? Will Vaibhav kill for Preeti? What does love mean? Will love make you kill? Who will you kill for? I will perhaps kill Gautham V. Menon for making VTV.

Too many questions. Very few answers. Just a realisation that I love Rani. I think she is awesome. I love combing her hair. Is that stupid? I felt love while combing her hair. Who knows love the best? I think I do. Do you know what love is? I felt love when Satya wishes a happy birthday to Vidya. I felt love when I got compliments for my Raanjhanaa review. Is that love? 


Jo tujhe jaanta na ho, us se tera naam poochhna, yeh mujhe kya ho gaya?


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