Sholay review by a soldier of the Indian Army

This analogous post may interest the faujis...
Enjoy the perspective...😊

As part of grooming of Young Officers, a CO showed them Sholay  and asked them to write a Review on it......
Here is what a bright Spark wrote......

General area Ramgarh was under the Command of Thakur Saab. Thakur Saab had no regular army, instead he lead a group of untrained unmotivated farmers, a transport incharge Basanti, as a Runner he had Ramu Kaka.

This general area Ramgarh faced threat of raids by the Company strength commanded by Gabbar Singh. Gabbar though had a company under his command, yet at any point of time he only had a section strength at his disposal with rest of the men deployed on various missions. As his Scout, he had a well trained Samba who always remembered the count of men. The adm requirements were taken care by Kalia who consumed Namak and Gaali on a regular basis. As recreation activity Gabbar and his troops played troop games and saw cultural items like

1. Where they shot their men and tested their luck factor and called it Goli 6, Aadmi 3.

2. Dance performances by Basanti by keeping her love interest a hostage at gunpoint.

To counter the attack/raids by the troops of Gabbar Singh. Thakur requested for an attachment of Buddy pair from Special Forces who were specially trained with high OQ, named Jai and Veeru. They followed the duties as a buddy pair religiously and on occasions of conflict decided it upon tossing of a coin.

On the first occasion of interaction between these SF men and the Raid party sent by Gabbana, SF men had taken secure tactical positions in Mutual Support and attained total surprise as the raid party had to retreat without accomplishing their primary task of collection of adm stores  forcefully from the people of general area Ramgarh. This retreat hurt Commander Gabbar Singh's ego and as a result he gunned down his three own men while playing the game Goli 6, Aadmi 3. To reply back, Commander Gabbar Singh sent a patrol whose primary task was to find out the strength of the troops employed by Thakur Saab and to make a good attack plan. On observations of the patrol it was decided that a full scale attack be conducted on the Holi day and Commander Gabbar Singh would lead the troops himself, after briefing them. Commander Gabbar Singh's troops attacked general area Ramgarh while the celebrations were going on and there was no one to pass alarm for Stand To, as a result of which Gabbar attained total surprise and had caused chaos among the people of Ramgarh. Because of the high quality of training received by Jai and Veeru and proper employement of Fire and Move tactics the area Ramgarh was saved from major defeat. They fought valiantly in buddy pairs against the 2 sections of Commander Gabbar and prevented any possible loss of life.

As the mission set by Commander was not successfully accomplished, he decided to take transport incharge Basanti as hostage. A rescue team of 2 was sent by Thakur Saab to rescue Basanti. This lead to a full scale combat between the two troops and the ground became of tactical importance when the two troops got separated by a bridge over the river flowing west to east.

Due to lack of proper transport, only 1 could go with Basanti back, and on toss of coin it was decided that Veeru would rescue Basanti and get reinforcements and till then Jai would   stop the enemy troops from charging further ahead by taking defiladed posn behind a rock. After firing a few rounds, Jai went out of ammunition and due to the unavailability of second line of ammunition the tactical importance of the bridge increased and Jai's primary motive became successful demolition of the bridge, which would deny the enemy any advance. Jai had a grenade at his disposal but the grenade malfunctioned and didn't blast, and only last few rounds left with Jai could have fused the bomb on being accurately fired at. Jai being the marksman could shoot the grenade at the exact point which blasted resulting in complete destruction of the bridge. But in the process Jai was severely injured and upon arrival of Veer u became a martyr succumbed to his injuries. This angered Veeru and he headed towards the area where Commander Gabbar's troops were stationed all alone in full Josh and high Morale. With the help of his zeroed weapon Veeru could make proper use of his ammunitions and hold true the slogan "One Bullet, One Enemy" in every engagement. On successfully killing most of the troops of Gabbar he later had to face the challenge of hand-to-hand combat with the well built Commander. Veeru even won this combat all due to his high morale and his training at Special Forces.

Lessons learnt are:
With a zeroed weapon, a reliable buddy and proper training any task can be accomplished.

"Passport ka mujhe kya karna hai?"

Ever since I first lost the chance to go for a trip abroad (Back in the call centre days), my mother has been behind my life to get a passport. I don't know when or why it started, but I had developed an allergy for everything sarkari. Every time my mother brought up this dreaded topic, I would either change the subject, or hang up pretending network disturbance or some such.

There were many phases in my life, where I was told by friends and well-wishers that I should get a passport made for myself. My only answer to them was - "Passport ka mujhe kya karna hai?" Thanks to the fact that how insignificant my existence was, it strengthened my resolve to not get a passport for myself ever.

Forget about leaving the country, I had decided that I wouldn't even leave Yari Road. Now things have come to a stage that I don't even leave my study, till it's a matter of rum or cigarettes. Passport? Naah. One of my ex-colleagues had once conned me into getting a PAN Card a few years ago. I hated him. I even lost the PAN Card… twice. After a while I never even bothered to get it reissued. I didn't even need it. As it is I don't make more money than those at the traffic signal, and if they don't bother to have one, why would I need one? Fair enough? Rani didn't think so.

Of late, mostly all good things in my life have happened whenever / wherever / however Rani was involved. One fine evening, she thought that I really needed to get my PAN Card re-issued. She convinced me that REALLY I needed to or else bad things would happen. Just before she could tell me that my Sholay DVD would be eaten by a lizard, I succumbed.  She dragged me around a bit, thankfully Rani filled the forms… Lo & behold… even before I could spell 'Ramgarh', I had a shiny new PAN Card. I hated the damn thing. My pic on it was horrible. I looked like a love child of Gabbar Singh & Kaalia in it. Shudder!

Anyway, life moved on and I successfully managed to hide the shiny new 'sarkari' acknowledgement of my fiscal existence under the carpet. Till one day my parents and Rani decided that I should get a passport for myself. KABOOM! That was that. Since that day, Rani's only concern was that I should get a passport. Initially I did the usual - the sulking, the bickering, the sobbing etc. But how long will Basanti not dance in front of Gabbar? I succumbed again, this was two years ago, one unfortunate evening; I agreed. I told upfront that I am not filling any forms and not standing in any queues. Hah!

Our girl being the 'pro form filler' that she is, filled the forms before the 'Ye dosti' song ends in the beginning of Sholay. But I had not played raw bullets; I did everything in the book to avoid going to the wretched Passport Seva Kendra (PSK). I kept postponing it till very recently. I managed to avoid this whole passport affair for more than two years. Till now I had lost a bunch of opportunities to fly away from India, so what if it was for a holiday or a location recce even. The dreaded 'Passport' made a comeback into my otherwise peaceful life.

So my first trip to the PSK was short - the guy at the counter looked at me, told me, "Passport ka aapko kya karna hai?" and politely asked me to bugger off. Second trip was shorter - The security guys sent me back because I was eight minutes late. Deep down inside my joy knew no bounds. I could fake such short trips to the PSK and nobody would even know. As they say in French, "Dil dehlaane ke liye Ramu ye khayal bahut achcha hai." Rani decided enough was enough. I overheard her talking to some Mr. Modi and threatening him of dire consequences. Last I heard her screaming to that man on the phone, "KEYRUN NEEDS A GODDAMN PASSPORT *beep*!"

Yeah, so a few days later I am told by Rani that I have an appointment at the PSK. It happened on the sly. I didn't even have time to prepare excuses etc. I even tried to fake a seizure, but by now Rani knew me far too well. So I was sent off to the PSK one more time, and this time nobody judged me as they usually did. Not the security guard, not the guy who checks the documents. On the contrary they were all very nice to me. One of the staff members even offered me 'Jalani jaljeera', which I politely declined.  All I had to do the whole day was sit pretty, twiddle my thumbs, play games on my phone, look around and judge people, and feel sad for the bawling kids who came attached to their parents.

So that was the story of the day. I came out of the PSK with a piece of paper which read: Passport: granted. I didn't know to laugh or cry.  I called my mom, and she sounded very pleased by Rani's accomplishment. Huh? What? I stood / sat / sulked / yawned / burped / gallivanted at the PSK for a good six hours of my life doing NOTHING AT ALL & the credit went to Rani?  That easy? Fokat ke poore pachaas hazaar? Just HOW is this FAIR? You guys tell me! Tell me oh khuda!  Somebody?

So yeah, if you guys want anything done, you know who to call. And I am not talking about Mr. Modi.

Chalo now somebody fly me out to someplace exotic…

Thanks in advance.

Chance pe dance.

59th Filmfare Awards: A night to remember

Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho toh saari kaynat tumhe usse milaane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai’

- Om Prakash Makhija

I couldn't believe my ears when Rani told me that she will get me a pass to attend the 59th Filmfare Awards. She said it very casually, as if it didn't mean much. For me, it meant as if I am going to be at the shoot of Sholay. Or perhaps, being present while 'Aane wala pal' is being recorded. Rani has seen enough and more of such events to care much. For me it was a first. My heart was beating in my eyelid. I couldn't sleep a wink for a week or so. I had stopped eating. I was imagining what I would do there, what I would wear, will I make it past the security or not and so on…

Way back in 2009, when I was to attend the premier of Sankat City, my friend Kartik Krishnan had told me, "Nobody gives a f about what you wear, nobody gives a f about who you are." Though I was armed with that wisdom, I was worrying about I am going to wear that evening. On a normal day I don't give a f about what I am wearing because I know that nobody gives a f about me. Okay, Rani does chide me at times, for the torn jeans and crumpled tee that I step out wearing. Here I was looking at my princely collection of four white shirts and trying to decide upon one.

The choice was simple, the one that took the least effort to iron. Once that decision was made, I was worrying about my look. I told Rani, "I want to look like a badass gangster with a heart of gold." Don't ask me what that means. I am still trying to make sense of what I had said. For the first time in my life I requested Rani to apply makeup on my face. I was doing everything that I never do till I am too drunk.  Hair, makeup and all the razzmatazz taken care of. I remember telling Rani, I know all this is stupid and vain, but I am born for this shit. She nodded in agreement.

 So I step out of my home all set to blow air kisses and sign autographs & the sole of my shoe pulls a fast one on me. I never wear that shoe, but for a few rare occasions and on that fateful evening it decided to ditch me. To show me that I am an idiot. To put me back into place. To make me taste humble pie. I wanted to die. Then I decided it would be simpler to just change the damn shoe. It struck me that if I changed the shoe, I will have to change the damn trouser too. A fine gentleman and a great actor-singer, Ayushmann Khurrana was waiting for me, as I was supposed to tag along with him.

Time was running out and some quick decisions had to be made. The shoe, the trouser, the jacket and everything had to be re-coordinated. It took me 3 minutes to ruin everything that Rani had done to style me. In my new avatar I was now looking like a broke journalist-turned-drug peddler-turned-wannabe neta-turned-disaster gangster. You can see the pic if you need evidence. (I am the white shirt guy, the suit wala bloke is Sujoy Ghosh, who made Jhankaar Beats.) Post that disaster management, I hop into Ayushmann's car a little away from the venue. The first thing he tells me is, "Bro, I think it's a 'formals only' event." I felt like dying again, but I tell him, "dekhte hain yaar."

The moment we reach the venue and step out of the car, we hear mad cheering & hooting. It strikes me that the adulation and love was for Ayushmann & not me. I eat humble pie with both my hands again. What happened next just froze me. I was following Ayushmann & Rani into the venue & sweet mother of Rajinikath, I landed up being seated in the 4th row closest to the stage. Imagine a rookie like me, who still has no IMDB page or anything, lands there. I went numb. All kinds of stars, superstars and the ilk were all around me. My brain didn't explode and I quickly realised that one needs to have a brain for it to explode. Jaan bachi to laakhon paaye.

A little less than an hour into the ceremony I began to get bored. I was tired of clapping. I wanted to go out and breathe easy. I felt like it was cheating. A guy like me can't be rubbing his hands gleefully sitting in the same row as Anupam Kher, Shabana Azmi and so many more. So I walked out of the audi to a better place. You guessed it, the bar counter at the venue. I realised the only people watching the ceremony were either those who were waiting to win an award or those who wanted to clap for the person who they wanted to win for whatever reason. The rest of the junta was at the bar counter.

Had a great time sipping fokat ka expensive whiskey with interesting people from the industry. The chakhna wasn't that great, but mere baap ka kya gaya? Had wonderful conversations, behaved like a fanboy, swapped cigarettes with Swanand Kirkire, spilled whiskey on somebody's expensive D&G suit, soaked in the feeling of being at the sanctum sanctorum of YRF Studios and behaved as if I owned the place. Super fun & I only have Rani to thank from the bottom of my heart & the top of my Patiala peg. Hopefully me & Rani will attend the 60th Filmfare Awards because our film will be nominated too!

That's something I have been 'maanging' from the 'kaaynat'. Sunn raha hai na tu? 

Amen.

Thank you, 2013!

What a spectacular year 2013 has been. Not that I made my first 100cr film, but still, have never felt in such a happier space before. Not that I live inside a cake, but you get the drift, na? All my passwords contain the four letters - R, A, N & I. My days begin with a goofy smile & end with aching finger tips. I am writing films & beginning to get paid (albeit thoda) to do so too! Who knew… Hopefully you'll read about my films in gossip mags sometime next year. (Many duas needed) 

Have an answer to the dreaded question, "arey, tum shaadi kab kar rahey ho?." I used to avoid people who used to ask me such questions. I used to not take such people's calls. I used to feel depressed. Not any more. This question excites me, makes me smile & makes me write even more. As a drunk Aamir Khan said in Mangal Pandey - The Rising, "Ab life mein settle ho jaana maangta." 

I don't throw stones at cats anymore. One of my friends told me, "yaar tu badal gaya hai, have never seen you like this." I don't listen to sad songs anymore. I have stopped watching 'Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham' altogether. I do, sometimes, listen to the 'Bole chudiyaan' song & do a little gig to it when not sober. I still watch Baghban sometimes & cry like a sissy girl. Somethings don't change. But hey, I haven't renewed my membership of the 'Dukhi Dil Association'.

I am broke most of the time, but I smile proudly as if I have just stepped out of my Audi Q7. I dream of going to Baku (Azerbaijan) & owning The Maserati Quattroporte GTS. I know it is silly, but I know it will happen. Because Rani tells me so. She is such a wonderful person, wonder why she sauntered into my life so late. Better late than never. Can't thank her enough. She makes the best Maggi in the world. The bread-butter-jam that she makes should be made the national breakfast, lunch & dinner.

HAHAHA. Just kidding. She also knows how to boil eggs. I taught her. HAHAHA.

Before she kills me, she makes the BESTESTASTIESTAWESOMEST Peshawari Dal in the world. I can kill for that. I can kick a puppy for that. 

Oh wait, I have stopped doing such nasty things. Sorry, Shaktiman.

Have met some really wonderful people this year… People who I will always love, care for and borrow money from (irrespective of me needing the money or not). Found new confidence in the fact that I can write an entire feature film in less than ten days, I kid you not. I barely thought of myself as a writer; but Rani thinks I write really well. So I write for her. I write for her belief that I can write. Most of my life I only thought the only thing I could do best was - drunk dance to 'Sapne mein milti hai'.

I have stopped 'un-friending' and 'report-spamming' people who don't like the films I love. I have learned to look past them. I just pretend they don't exist. I hope they catch cold. I hope a waiter spits into their soup or something. I know it is not a very good thing to do, par kya bachche ki jaan logy kya? Ek saal mein itna ich milenga. Hope this changes next year.

My first film to hopefully (Again, many duas needed) release stars Sholay, Jhankaar Beats, Satya & Old Monk. That makes me feel very happy. I always wanted my first film to star SRK, but I can live without that. Wonder what kind of reviews my film will get. Hope you kind people in Ramgarh will feel proud and cheer and clap when you see my name on the big screen. Hope Taran Adarsh gives it 3.5 stars. Actually I don't care about Taran and his slimy usool and adarsh.

A 3 star review from Rajeev Masand & Anupama Chopra would make me proud though.

Wonder if you all will  'un-friend' and 'report-spam' me if you don't like my film. Will you give me another chance to prove myself? I don't know about all of you, but Rani will. She loves me, na. Poor girl. HAHAHA.

Here's wishing you all a Merry Christmas & a very many Happy New Year! Pray for me, shower me with duas, love and please lend me money when I ask you. HAHAHA.  I am such a cheapskate, na. Hope 2014 changes that about me. I also want to be all rich & classy like all of you. Amen.