Ship of Theseus: Three little boats of cinema paradise rolled into one!

First things first: The tickets of Ship of Theseus aren't all that expensive everywhere, at least not after the opening weekend. If you are borderline broke like me, you can still watch the film for Rs. 150/-. If you're too broke, take the bus or walk, skip the drunky session, smoke Four Square & eat vada pav (KFC is unhealthy anyways & PETA will love you for that) for the next few days a la moi. But don't miss SoT, I am not a beggar, am a requester. It's a rare film to come out of our inane blockbuster circus tent.

Second things second: Hawaai firing & immense respect for director Anand Gandhi & the entire gang who made this film, and also those who got it a theatrical release. Special mention for the man who played the monk (Neeraj Kabi), it was surreal to watch him die... almost.

Now a little about the film, its three segments & how I connected with it at various stages in my life.

Years ago, I had a fatal accident. I almost lost my left leg. The doctors were kind and patient, but I was not. I had all kinds of disturbing thoughts in my head. What if I am never able to walk again? My bastard friends had already started calling me 'Langda Tyagi' (Yaar bhi kaminey). To get rid of that negative space  I came back to Bombay with a crutch & limp like Pran saab (may his soul RIP) in Don. Took up a job here and it needed me to take the local train daily. I could never convince myself to get into the dabba meant for the 'handicapped'. Just couldn't. Well meaning Bombay people in the train used to tell me, "Woh dabbe mein jaao na, aapke jaisa log ke liye hai." I did it once and I broke down. Soon after an old man in the same dabba started laughing at me for being a wuss. FML. I love Bombay!

Dissolve

My life philosophy almost changed when a kind friend gifted me a book by Rumi.  It opened the door of an all new world for me. I started believing in most of his sayings, especially those about love & giving. If not for the filmi keeda having bitten my arse so bad,  I might have turned into a full-time wanderer. The most powerful portion of SoT (for me personally) was that of the monk who would have sold his Ferrari, only that he didn't even have a pair of shoes. But he did have a sense of humour, which I totally loved. I could understand why he would rather die than be treated by medicines that were against his school of thought. Just like I would rather not watch a film at all, than watching a pirated copy of it. Whoa! That sounded deep, but I am deep like that; neck deep in shit almost always.  

Dissolve

Like all those in my age group most of our conversations with our parents revolve around marriage. A few years back it was about me not receiving calls from my relatives. The usual chat with my mom was something like this:

Mom: Hey your chacha was trying to reach you the other day for the Durga namaskara pooja, you didn't answer his call.

Me: I had lost my phone, mom.

Mom: Why do you lose your phone when there is a family function to attend?

Me: Awkward silence.

Mom: Did you save some money this month, we have to...

Me: Hello hello... mom, I can't hear you... *click*

These days me & mom have graduated to talking about the kind of marriage I would prefer. While I am all for a quick, no-fuss, sign-the-legal-papers-and-boom-out-to-the-honeymoon type ceremony, my mom wants me to sit for the yagna-havan-feast-burp-Udipi-style arrangement. Instead of feeding 500-odd people who I have met perhaps once, during my thread ceremony, I would rather save that moolah & buy an island near Bora Bora. Thankfully, my mom has given up on me. As long as I marry, she will be happy. Don't even get me started about dad. He still doesn't know what I do for a living. He also doesn't know how to reply to texts to save his life, while my mom is wondering which Tab to buy, so that she can look up girls for me and my kid bro, on Facebook at leisure. FML.

Dissolve

While there is nothing life changing in Ship of Theseus, there is everything that we need to ask ourselves every now & then, with a pinch of salt. While it takes all the segments seriously, it doesn't mind taking a joke at itself. Sample this line from SoT - "Monks are supposed to be celibates, then why is there so much of intellectual masturbation?" It is laced with such gems throughout. Take it seriously or laugh out aloud, it's your life after all. It is really mind boggling that a film like this got made and got a theatrical release too!  I was also very happy to see Rohit sir's name in the end credits. Watch his extended interview here:

"Ship of Theseus tickets are too expensive yaar"

Looking back, I have never felt sillier about myself when I found myself to be amongst a bunch of people who thought that the ticket of Anand Gandhi's Ship of Theseus was obscenely priced. I even made some wisecrack about how only Aamir & his wife (producer of SoT) will be watching it this weekend. I am so embarrassed about saying such shit, but what to do, I am broke. This post stems from a chat that I was having with my drunky partner and some internal 'khalbali' in 'khopdi ki jhopdi'. No, I still haven't watched the film yet, but I will, as soon as the evil ad agency guy makes me richer by a few hundred rupees.

Just randomly remembered this quote by Shahrukh Khan - "You can deserve me, but you can't afford me."

As of now I can deserve Ship of Theseus, but can't afford it. I am indirectly a part of this film and it is not because the producer Kiran Rao is my namesake. My connect with this film is my recent meeting with its music director Rohit Sharma (fondly known as Rohit sir) and his interview that I did for madaboutmoviez.com Click here for link. It was one of the best interviews I did and received a lot of appreciation from people who I respect a lot. Sadly, that good deed didn't earn me free tickets to watch the film, but what the hell.

Coming back to the point, how expensive is expensive? How do you decide upon the fair value of a ticket? Having always sucked at math, I don't find myself in the position to figure that out. The maximum I have paid for watching a film at the theater is Rs. 4,600. Yes, I watched Gautham Menon's Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya at the theater 23 times, so you do the math. I am stupid, I know and I hate downloading films. As a principle I never watch a film illegally. I buy or borrow DVDs, buy tickets, borrow money to buy tickets, sell my empty beer bottles, write obituaries, and sometimes get to attend special screenings. But piracy -

NO. NEVER. NOT. YOU MOTHERS FATHERS MANNERS THIS? 

Exaggeration apart, the maximum I have spent to watch a film is Rs. 600 - for Vidhu Vinod Chopra's Eklavya, which I totally loved and felt that I got my money's worth. But Eklavya had Amitabh Bachchan & Sanjay Dutt. What does Ship of Theseus have? I know everybody has been raving about watching it and the rest don't give a damn about cinema. Then there are a few crazy SRK fans who are saving money to watch Chennai Express multiple times, despite Rohit Shetty. (Nitin, take that grin off your face.)
  
With Ship of Theseus, I fail to understand the value or muscle that UTV & Kiran Rao have brought to the table that PVR Directors Rare could not. To quote my machcha Sethu, "Ok I know @SOTfilm would never have a mass release& hona bhi nahin chahiye. But it surely deserves more than 6 screens." I would add to that - a ticket price at par with that or perhaps even a little more than the general trash that hits the screens on a regular basis. Screw that, they could have at least released the film in the better half of the month, but alas. I lick my wounds as I type this.

I have put my kidney on Quikr.com and if I get a decent deal I will watch Ship of Theseus one of these days. But I hope some sense prevails and indie film tickets are made accessible to more people, or else we will have to live with more of Rohit Shitty's money-spinning scams. I leave you with the extended interview of Rohit sir, and wish I could charge you 450/- to watch it each time. I know that will not happen in this lifetime and this is the internet, so if nothing, please share the hell outta this post. Thanks.



Love, Magik.