DUM LAGA KE HAISHA: वो तो है अलबेला

For anybody who has grown up in the 90s, it is almost impossible to not like director Sharat Katariya's film, 'Dum Laga Ke Haisha'. Especially for those who have heard Kumar Sanu-Alka Yagnik songs on audio cassettes - on loop, rode Bajaj scooters, wore grotesque sweaters (in my fashion book) that were made at Tibet and sold at roadsides in small towns of North India, and those who are aware of the concept of a now slowly dying ritual - सामूहिक विवाह.

As the trailer already shows, DLKH is about - a mismatch made in heaven. The couple that was never meant to be, but that did become, and a great one at that. Ayushmann Khurrana and Bhumi Pednekar play the central parts, Prem and Sandhya - but their lives are not central to their quirk-laden families. Watching DLKH for me was like attending a family wedding - you like some of the attendees and dislike, even hate some, but you only wish well for the couple that is getting married. DLKH stays in the couple's life for a little longer, when things get sour. Very sour.

Watching DLKH was a series of nostalgia attacks for me. I spent a large chunk of my life at Indore, so the lingo used in the film wasn't alien to me. I loved the words employed by Prem, Sandhya, and their respective families - I had heard many such conversations. It was a world I could relate to. Just last evening a friend of Rani had dropped by, and he told me that I should wake up every morning, slap myself and thank God that I found somebody like Rani to be my life partner. I agreed. Compared to the superwoman Rani is, I perhaps don't deserve her.

DLKH is also mostly about that feeling - what is a perfect match? Who is the right person who you should spend your life with? Is there really something called the perfect match? We are all imperfect, but the best part is that we find love and peace with our imperfections. Prem and Sandhya in DLKH are that - perfectly imperfect. They make up for each other's shortcomings, and life goes on. Just how simple a love story can get. No doubt it takes a lot of effort for Prem and Sandhya to get together, but when they do, they can move mountains.

I connected to Prem, played by Ayushmann - he is a prick. I was one, not very long ago. But he is also ALL heart. I also suffer from the same problem. If I love you, I will go as far as Raghu in Badlapur went. If I don't, there is a very thin chance I will waste even a minute with you. I just might - if you are Rani's friend or her guest.  Prem in DLKH is a closet lover boy - the one that I am, and the one that used to be the soul of Yashji's films. He is a mush-ball but slightly apologetic about it. It is just about arriving at the magical moment when Prem falls in 'prem'. Thereafter ho gaya kalyan :D

I don't know why, but the character Prem also reminded me of the Sunil played by Shahrukh Khan in Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa... वो तो है अलबेला... हज़ारों में अकेला... सदा तुम ने एब देखा, हुनर को ना देखा   

I think the reason Aditya Chopra greenlit this film is that it is the closest to Yashji's school of romance. Something perhaps he would have been proud to produce, had he been alive. DLKH celebrates pristine love as it is meant to be. With a little bit of family banter thrown in. Director Sharat Katariya has done a great job, both with writing and directing this film. His passion and earnestness come across in every frame. The attention to detail is... GOBSMACKING!

AND THEN THERE IS KUMAR SANU.

Watch this song NOW.



I don't want to take away more from what you will discover in the film after watching it yourself. We can share notes after you've watched. Ayushmann as Prem in DLKH is not just carrying his wife on his shoulders, he is also shouldering the film itself. DLKH is not your regular romcom or braindead entertainer, it is an experience - An endearing tribute to an era that was. The one that I grew up in. The one where I first fell in love. The one where I experienced heartbreak. The one where Kumar Sanu was the voice of love and longing.

Please watch Dum Laga Ke Haisha this weekend. Thank me later.


         

BADLAPUR: An eye for an eye...

2015 has just about started, but I don't know why I already think that there will perhaps not be a film better than Sriram Raghavan sir's 'Badlapur' this year. It is a dark, twisted story about revenge, and all those who are clued in to the story from trailers, interviews and other miscellany, know what's coming their way.

You know it all...

As most of you would reckon, this isn't a conventional review of what 'Badlapur' is all about, who acted well in it, and how many crores it might make at the box office; given the fact that it is an 'A' certified film. I have been a fan of Sriram Raghavan sir since 'Ek Haseena Thi'. His third film 'Agent Vinod' did upset the apple cart slightly, but ever since I came to know that he is making 'Badlapur', I was excited to watch it. More so, after I came to know that Sriram sir has pitted Varun Dhawan against Nawazuddin Siddiqui.

Chalk-cheese, rum-wine, cake-mutton, Gandhi-Hitler... so many variations struck my mind as far as the casting is concerned. I got to read the rough script of 'Badlapur' from an email address that I didn't know of - I read it as any self respecting fanboy. I was sweating by the time I had finished reading it. Could a film like this be made in Hindi? In my lifetime? In the Hindi film industry?

Quick flashback: I met Sriram sir when he was giving interviews a few days before the release of 'Agent Vinod'. I think I asked the stupidest question ever posed to him... I asked - You look like just another happy person, especially like a conservative middle class South Indian; how do you come up with such twisted stories? He smiled at me, embarrassed at the question... unable to reply to my stupid question. I moved on to the next question. Quick flashback over.

A little less than 20 minutes into 'Badlapur,' I had internalised the central character. Once upon a time I used to be a copywriter who used to wait to work on a condom account. Lingerie account I didn't even aspire for. So I had owned the guy, Raghu - he was me and all the other creative people I knew during my stint in advertising, rolled into one. Definitely not the nice ones. The twisted types. Especially a Malayalee guy, Padma Kumar C.K., who had a long name, who, for us was PKCK. In my first Old Monk session with him, he admitted that he was a Communist, and had killed a few people back in the day. I was scared shitless. That was the first and last time we drank together.

I am the kind of guy who feels guilty when the mosquito bleeds on me after I slapped it hard to death. I don't know what would it take for me to kill a human. This is the reason I knew that Raghu's reason to kill humans for revenge has to be strong enough for me to sit through 'Badlapur'. I cried almost through the first half of the film, and that's the reason I thought what Raghu did in the second half was justified. A creative mind that is depressed for more than a decade; in my book, could facilitate a world war, if nothing worse. Here Raghu had lost the two people who he loved the most in the universe.

Blood-spill was inevitable. What I wasn't expecting was who possibly would be the victims of his rage. Who actually is the victim here? Who is the hardened criminal? Was money the motive? Was it just sex? Did Raghu ever feel guilty of what he had done? Did he live happily ever after? Who was he fighting against? Was he angry with the cop/s, or those who ruined his entire existence without even intending to do so? What is justice? An eye for an eye? A life for a life? Two lives for two? Three for three? How will it ever help anybody? What the fuck?

The 'Jee karda' song captures the essence of 'Badlapur'. While many of us might just lick our wounds, and move on in life - not all of us are the same. Will one revenge a random road accident? What about rape? Was SRK's character in 'Baazigar' justified in doing what he ended up doing? What about Madhuri Dixit's character in 'Anjaam'? And Vijay Deenanath Chauhan? Is revenge pointless? What is the point one proves - especially when a life is lost? Somebody said, "revenge is a dish best served cold...," but what about those who like it hot?

SHOLAY


I am certainly not saying that I endorse what path the central character chose, in the process of taking revenge against those who destroyed his universe, just to ensure that he finds peace... or even come to terms with his loss, which only he knows how deep it was. All I am trying to say that I loved Sriram sir's 'Badlapur' to bits, and for some odd reason connected with Raghu and the choices that he made. The world - the mood - the characters - their motivations... somehow I just connected. 'Badlapur' is one of those rare films that manage to find an audience these days. It has its flaws... not denying that.



Any film / scenario that involves innocent lives being lost, for no reason strong enough, will find its haters, but 'Badlapur' is a film about a guy who lost his own plot while he was plotting the rest of it it for a good fifteen years or less. Objectivity, perspective and much more is lost, when the loss is way too personal. May be that woman shouldn't have died, or perhaps he should have given away the spoils to charity... Why is the evil man not evil enough for all us to hate him unanimously? What about the evil guy's sidekick? Why does the evil guy have a loving mother, like the rest of us?

I could perhaps go on and perhaps write another script that just involves Nawaz's character and the one played by Huma... But that's just me... I truly hope 'Badlapur' finds its audience, and then drives home the point that revenge is pointless, beyond a point. What we need to realise is that you can't or shouldn't go all out and become the Gabbar, or the Mogambo when you could be Arun bhaiyya. The ultimate success of Sriram sir's 'Badlapur' depends on the fact that who is the audience rooting for on the way back home.

I personally think that the written material of 'Badlapur' could be made into ten different films at the very least. It all depends on who chooses to make it, and what the intention of the maker is. What I took back from Sriram sir's latest film is that peace is a better idea. Even if we fight till the last person standing has collapsed, what remains is a lonely existence. What does one live off? Memories? They were never enough in the first place. The operative word that makes sense in this zone is - LOVE.

There is enough of it for all of us. It is all about looking for it in the right places.

Aaj sab se zyaada khush hoon main...

A Keyrun Rao original

Maut ke niwaale khaaye bahut,
Zindagi se parhez karta raha,
Ishq ke ghoont tujh se miley they,
Bas zehar ki talaash karta raha.

Rooh mein andhera bhar gaya tha,
Saanson mein meri ghutan si thi,
Raahein bhi chalne nahin deti thi,
Soch par bhi mere gehra saaya tha.

Aaj sab se zyaada khush hoon main,
Aansoo bhi ab khushi ke aate hain,
Ek teri noor mein roshan rehta hoon,
Aaj-kal khwaab bhi achche aate hain.

Aaj sab se zyaada khush hoon main,
Teri raah mein mohabbat ki goonj hai,
Teri lafzon mein mere ishq ki azaan hai,
Lagta hai ke naya ek banda hoon main.

Aaj sab se zyaada khush hoon main,
Lagta hai shayad meri nazar lag jaayegi,
Teri hansi mein meri muskaan rehti hai,
Tere saath meri ye umr bhi nikal jaayegi.

Maut ke niwaalon mein swaad nahin tha,
Zindagi bhi kuchh kuchh bujhi si thi meri,    
Tere saath mujhko bhi main raas aa gaya,
Marne waale ko zindagi ka swaad aa gaya.

CineMaa kasam… fully filmi

A new poem inspired by the 'Fillum' song in Shamitabh

Kuchh pal andhera sa tha shuruaat mein,

Koi akela aaya tha, kuchh kisi ke saath mein

Phir ek nayi kahaani shuru ho gayi parde par

Badi taaliyon aur seetiyon ke bauchaar mein 

Har hafte koi ek nayi kahaani, kisi ki bayaani 

Chaahe bachpan ho ya khilti hui aapki jawaani

Jaan chhidakte hain hum, Dil lagaate hain hum

Zindagi ho jaati hai awesome… CineMaa kasam

Koi actor ho ya star, ya phir ho koi superstar,

Sukh-dukh ke hain saathi ye apne kalakaar,

Unki banaayi duniya mein hum sab khush hain 

Ghar ke paas theater hai, why do we go too far?

Andhere se roshni ke beech apni ye zindagi hai

Chaahe jaisi bhi hai, kyon lagta hai ki sahi hai

Jaan chhidakte hain hum, Dil lagaate hain hum

Zindagi ho jaati hai awesome… CineMaa kasam

Har ek kahaani kisi na kisi ko toh touch kar jaati hai,

Kisi se bore ho jaate hain, kuchh achchi lag jaati hain,

Jaane-anjaane hum kuchh waqt saath bitaate hain

Kabhi kabhi anjaani dagar mein khud se mil jaate hain

Kahaani jaane kiski hai, aur kehne waala kaun hai,

Bol jaane kisne likha tha, aur gaane waala kaun hai 

Jaan chhidakte hain hum, Dil bhi lagaate hain hum

Zindagi ho jaati hai awesome… CineMaa kasam

What a joke...

I still haven't managed to convince myself enough to pay people (individuals or groups) to make me laugh. I keep myself amused enough most of the time.  Also, as a struggling film-writer I am usually broke most of the time, so I would rather spend whatever little I make to pay for movie tickets, buy DVDs, and order a book online, once in a while.

Like all those who spend most of the waking hours on the internet, I knew of AIB since they had started doing podcasts. I didn't particularly like them, so I don't qualify as a fan. Thanks to the BIG names involved, I also knew of the AIB Roast well in advance. I didn't whore myself out to buy the expensive ticket, despite the fact that the proceeds would go to charity.

As they say, charity begins at home. In my case it's usually at some dingy bar in the vicinity.

For me it was just another day, when the AIB Knockout happened amidst a HUGE audience, and it didn't bother my piddly existence one bit. I am sure nobody at the 'roast' missed my absence as well. A few weeks passed by, and I saw the teaser / trailer of the AIB Knockout on the official channel. I swear it had grabbed me by my balls. I hadn't seen anything like this, that too at this BIG a scale.

Like every other creative keeda, I was rubbing my hands in wicked glee. WHAT DID I JUST WATCH? Confession: I have ugly, dark and wicked corners in my khopdi ki jhopdi, but this was something else. For once I regretted not paying people to make me laugh. May be I should have attended the AIB Knockout after all. From whatever little they had shown in the trailer, I thought these guys have collectively created history. HAWAAI FIRING!

A few more weeks later the edited version of the AIB Knockout was put out. I was eagerly looking forward to it. Everyone was talking about it; even the Lokhandwala dudes who usually discuss their workout regimes and protein intake were discussing the show in hushed tones. The roast started with a BANG, and I was laughing like a dervish possessed. 30 minutes into it, and I was getting bored. May be it was my mid-life-crisis, or the jokes were getting too repetitive for my liking.

Same old, same old... There were flashes of genius, but they remained just that - flashes of genius. I felt relieved that I didn't pay to watch that stuff. My wallet jumped out of my drawer and hugged me tightly. The 10 rupees' notes in it started doing ghaati dance all over my study table. BUT that's it. I didn't take to the streets screaming that I was hurt and left cheated. Hell, how could I be cheated when I didn't even pay for it. I knew what was coming my way, and I watched it. END OF STORY.

What prompted me to write this piece is the shit I have been seeing floating around ever since some random fungi decided to express their displeasure over the AIB Knockout on National TV. These jokers have saddened me no end. Every time these regressive fossils open their foul mouths, our country goes back a few decades. I wish we could just shut these idiots up. If anybody needs to be probed or punished, it has to be these peddlers of the pseudo 'sanskriti and sabhyata'.  
 
As far as the AIB Knockout is concerned - Guys, well tried with the roast this time, but expecting much more next time - that is, if you aren't sentenced for life or some such.

What a joke...
         

Script of the first Ugly trailer spoof

Ugly spoof

A Keyrun Rao original inspired by this:

Opening: Gfx

Darawna Motion Pictures

Fuh se fuck you

Fade in.

Scene 1

Abhishek to Matthew on phone:

Ek narration ke liye jaa raha hoon, chalega kya saath?

Nahin to main Kartik ko bula loonga

Scene 2

In car

Abhishek to Matthew:

Yaar 2mins ruk, chashma banwaane diya hai… lekar aata hoon

Matthew spots Abhishek’s latest script ‘Nakli’ on the car’s backseat

Scene 2-A

Cut to:

A frantic Abhishek looking for Matthew around Araam Nagar / Yari Rd. asking people

Ek kaala aadmi meri script lekar bhaag gaya… aapne dekha usey? Kurta pehna hua tha…

Scene 2-B

Cut to:

Abhishek spots a kurta wearing guy with a script in his hand… He chases him like a maniac. He finally manages to catch him, punches him only to find out it was somebody else…

Close up of the mistaken guy’s script titled ‘Doga ka kya hoga?’

Scene 3

Cut to FWA (Film Writers’ Assn.) office, where Abhishek has come to complain about absconding Matthew

FWA chief / officer to Abhishek:

Bahut bada hero hai… unregistered script ko aise hi gaadi mein chhod ke jaata hai…

Naam kya hai tera?

Abhishek to FWA chief / officer:

Abhishek Pandey

FWA chief / officer to Abhishek:

Yahaan toh Sadabahaar likha hai

Abhishek to FWA chief / officer:

Sir industry ke log aise hi karte hain, ghar pe ek naam aur parde ke liye doosra naam…

FWA chief / officer to Abhishek:

Kyon? Amitabh bachchan ka kya hai naam ghar pe?

(Laughter)

SCENE 4

Cut to:

Phone rings

Voiceover: Script waapas chahiye toh 12 hazaar ka intezaam kar…

Scene 5

Cut away shots of a worried Abhishek who then calls his friend:

Abhishek to his friend on phone:

Yaar hum kisi se 12 hazaar udhaar nahin le sakte kya?

Abhishek’s friend replies:

Dekh hum writer log hain, apne ko kaun udhaar dega? Woh tera co-writer hai na, Kartik, usko bol, who ya toh paise dega ya Matthew ko kahin na kahin se dhoondh nikaalega… BKFPL mein hai na who?

Scene-6

Enter Kartik

Cut away shots of a worried Kartik twirling a ciggy in his fingers

Abhishek & Kartik are sitting in their study room, too brain fucked… Abhishek’s phone rings… Kartik picks up

It’s Matthew on the phone

Tera script tujhko waapas chahiye to 12 hazaar

SCENE -7

Screen splits where producers offering peanuts for their script.

1^st guy: 3 hazaar

2^nd guy: 5 hazaar

3^rd guy: 7 hazaar

4^th guy: 10 hazaar

Random montage shots of tired Kartik & Abhishek looking for absconding Matthew

Scene -8

Cut to:

Kartik-Abhishek’s work-space

Kartik to Abhishek

Paise tere ko hi chahiye na saale? Pichhle mahiney ke rent ka share due hai

Kartik then pushes Abhishek off his chair & Abhishek falls sloppily

Montage shots of heated argument between Kartik & Abhishek

Cut to:

Kartik to Abhishek on phone:

Tera script hai to mera bhi script hai bhenc**d

SCENE -9

Producer to Kartik:

Signing amount le li hai, script kab doge tum log?

Scene-10

Worried Abhishek driving around in his car

Text on screen:

When the writer getS desperate

The desperate writer gets nasty / creepy / evil / monstrous / lonely / miserable / greedy

NAKLI

Fade out.

राजकुमार हीरानी जी का PK देख के लगाया littil littil लिखा littil littil

Let me begin with a confession: I didn't like the trailer of Raju sir's PK one bit. Call me a cynic or whatever else, I just couldn't stand Aamir's look. I thought he was trying too hard for my liking. Add to that the fact that I am a HUGE SRK fanboy for life (And that remains unchanged).  Perhaps the planets changed their positions or some such, and I decided that I will watch PK. So what if I don't end up liking it, and waste a few hours of my life. Not that I am achieving legend-like-status by trying to save whatever little time that I possibly can. It's just that I hate rotting away at the Juhu signal.

I am not giving away any spoilers of the film in this post. The makers have been driving in a suggestion, that #PKaana, but for some unfortunate reason, I couldn't go watch the film under the influence of alcohol. I was sober as a sage, but now that I have watched the film, I thought, chalo yaar, 'littil littil' will not do much harm. RGV's Satya fanboys will grin wide when they read 'littil littil,' the rest of you in Ramgarh, Badlapur and thereabouts - keep guessing. I have watched PK, and I have also had 'littil littil'. If you still want to read ahead, you've been warned.

As promised, I am not telling you about what happens in PK and for what; I am just sharing some very personal thoughts that are cropping up in my 'khopdi ki jhopdi' as I type. My 'nana' was a renowned 'purohit ratna' in his village and used to helm many religious poojas and havanas. After the thread ceremonies of his grandkids, he used to tag us along as 'advaris' (Asst. Directors in cinema parlance). I remember he had taken me once for a 'Naaga pooja' after which the client's wife would be bearing a child. Being the ass*&^$ that I was, I was humming Backstreet Boys' 'I wannit that way,' instead of the mantra I was instructed to repeatedly chant.

Few years later I got to know that the aforementioned client's wife actually DID bear a child.

This was perhaps the first time I questioned the holy thread (janeyoo) I was made to wear for a good part of my pre-post-teen years. My nana passed away a few years ago, but I never brought up this little fact that only I was privy to. I don't think anybody must have thought that I was humming Backstreet Boys' 'I wannit that way' instead of the mantras that I was ordered to chant. Over the years I have began to believe in 'love' more than any other form of religious practices. Watching Raju sir's PK just made me feel that I was headed in the right direction.

One more thing - I am a huge believer in Sai Baba, and I think he is the right guy to ensure that my prayers / calls to The One do get answered. Sai Baba and Piya Haji Ali. You might find it strange, but I find more peace at Haji Ali than at Shirdi, the only reason being the fact that the Shirdi shrine has so much gold all over the roof and walls. The donations that the Shirdi shrine gets on a daily basis can perhaps finance a Karan Johar or even a Sajid Nadiadwala film. Haji Ali on the other side just gives me endless bliss and hope. Aren't we all beggars at the end of the day?

Blessed as I probably am, I have never thought that I am being cheated or somebody is trying to take advantage of my genuine kindness. I give away when I have - whatever that comes to my hand. There have been days when I have felt that I have what I do, just so that I can give it all away. It could be a beggar at a traffic signal, a dear friend, or even somebody I don't know of. One thing I learned early in my life is that you show up here and TAKE - all the time. What is important is to give back. At least that is what Bombay taught me, every single day I have been here.

World cinema literates will perhaps have a million things to say about why PK didn't work for them, but I was one of those guys who didn't bat an eyelid before clapping, cheering or shedding a stream of tears throughout the entire runtime of PK. I watched the film at Chandan - a place which is more of a Haji Ali, and not a Shirdi. Where you don't get preference if you have booked your ticket online or you have bought the tickets in black. Every worshipper is treated similarly. The popcorn and cold drink you get might not be the best you've had, but the 'sajda' moment will be just as gratifying.

Just because I wrote about my tryst with my Gods and Demons, Raju sir's PK is not about that. At least not JUST that. There are many layers to be peeled, and may be one viewing might not be sufficient enough. PK is a subtle reminder that please don't construct your Gods, The Creator is already there… just stop trying to build fences and restrict the goodness of your God to your sect. He has made us all, and he loves us equally; he has planned our journeys and our destinations. Remember to be good and have fun, while the journey is still on. Whatever is within your means, just GIVE BACK.

Don't just TAKE all the time.

Give back.

Love, kindness, smiles, hugs… whatever it is that you've been blessed with, to give away.

GIVE.